Have you ever wondered about the purpose of your life? Or ever asked yourself what I should do with my life? A lot of people think about this question at some point in their life. This journey can bring us happiness or sadness. It can either make our life more interesting or miserable based on how we approach it. Some people don’t even reach the intellectual capacity or live a life of comfort to think about this. Life is not easy for everyone to wonder about their life’s purpose. Some people are more interested in bringing food for their family. Some are more focused on enjoying their life without ever wondering about this at all. I have been there in both of these situations. If you want to know how to handle this existential crisis then buckle up we are here for the big ride. I think this might help you to make the journey of finding the purpose of your life a more enjoyable one.

I started worrying about this during my first year of college. Why then not before or after that? What did I decide as my purpose? To understand my decisions first you should know my story.

I was a boy growing up in a village in a lower middle class family. I had the privilege of a family who motivated and helped me to focus on my education. In my family, education was always the first priority. I had been studying in a school near my village. This school was run by the state government. Unlike many government schools I got very great teachers in my school. At least some of them were like that, if not all of them. During school days I never worried about the purpose or meaning of my life. Because I already figured out those things, all I had to do was study well, get a top score. I always had a hope and strong belief that I would achieve something great in my life. I never missed being the school topper. That was all I needed to satisfy my hunger for success at that time. Around my 10th standard a teacher told me that my personality matches the personality of a doctor and you should become one. He might have told that in a casual way, but that was strongly imprinted on my mind. I thought, by becoming a doctor I could help people. Also I would have been the first doctor from my school. I started studying even harder and got 96.3 percent in my 12th standard. It was the top score among all the government schools in my district. But at the same time life played its dice, like it does for everyone else, the central government introduced NEET in the same year as the entrance exam for medical education. Now I had two options: either I could study another year specifically for this entrance exam or choose an alternate path using my 12th score. At least those were two options I could think of at that time with my limited knowledge. At the same time I got a full scholarship for an engineering degree from one of the top private universities in the country. As I said that I was from the lower middle class family I chose this obvious answer. I chose the scholarship so that I could help my family. But later I fought with my inner self for that and not fighting for my dream. Finally I made peace with myself after understanding many aspects of life, but it took time for that acceptance.

Why did I tell this story? Because you can see that throughout my school I didn’t have any passion or anything like that. My only focus was on education, fortunately I was also good at it. But when I joined a college where top notch students from all over the country came for education, it changed everything. Already I was worried about losing my dream of becoming a doctor and on top of that I had to attend all my classes in English which was my second language at school. Next I had to do everything on computers, before joining college, I didn’t even know how to operate one properly. I started struggling, scored average in my first semester and even got an arrear in one subject. It totally destroyed me, I used to be a guy who cried for getting a second rank in my school. It took me hell a lot of time to come out of that inferiority complex. I started asking myself these questions, if not to become a topper of my class what would be the purpose of my life? During my school days I wanted to become a doctor to help people. Since I am going to be an engineer now, what’s the best way to do the same? I decided that I could become an entrepreneur. So that I could gain more time and resources to achieve the same purpose. Eventually I started focusing on my learning more, but this time not to become a class topper but for a different cause. I started exploring software and IoT related stuff even though I was from the electronics and communication background, so that I could build a startup with minimal financial investment. Then I had another strong purpose in my life which I started following blindly. In the process I found out that I liked these coding or building stuff. I started wondering, is this my purpose in my life to become a great engineer or entrepreneur? It could be who knows.

You see, life doesn’t stop playing dice, it will only give you breaks not a retirement. There comes a lockdown due to COVID. It was my final year of college. I spent my whole final year in my village attending virtual classes and interviews. There I didn’t even have a stable internet connection at that time. The one good thing that happened in my life was the exposure and guidance that I got in my college. Even that was gone during this critical year of my education. I didn’t have any big idea to start a company or was not financially stable enough to try one. I got placed in a software startup. I was hoping that I could learn how to build a startup, so that I could build one myself. During this time I got a lot of free time and started exploring different topics other than just technology. I got the exposure to different philosophical ideas. I started wondering what is good or bad? I came to know about capitalism, socialism and communism. I asked myself if I am focusing on the correct thing in my life. I realised that I was just trying to become another capitalist. I don’t want to become another one of that category. Remember that I wanted to become a businessman to help people in the first place. I got inspired by Edison, Tesla, Richerd Feynman, Elon Musk and many other people, and finally decided that I need to do something innovative so that it could not only help me build a company but also help people in the long term. I started learning physics through a free lecture available on MIT courseware. I learned Classical Mechanics, Vibration and Waves, Electricity and Magnetism and started learning Quantum theory. I tried learning these things and took hundreds of pages of notes. I realised that I am not going to be a top notch physicist by doing all these things. But I enjoyed that process of learning. I even thought of preparing for an entrance exam along with my job but it didn’t work out.

After that I switched to another company hoping that I could learn more and have been working there for four years. It’s been a remarkable journey, I have explored the paths that I would have never done if I had stayed the same. I had crossed paths with different people who had changed my perspectives about life. In these four years I had been trying different things like trying out theory of computation, discrete mathematics, some philosophical books and many other things. I tried running, gym, several sports and other things. In this journey, I understood that I like few of these things. But I won’t be able to give priority to all of them. I can see that I am doing two things consistently: one doing some form of physical activity, mostly gym, second I write about things that I explore either as a journal, notes or blogs. Does that mean this is the purpose of my life? No, not at all, if I learnt at-least one thing so far, it is not to fixate on something as the absolute. If I fixate on something for long enough, I might become good at it. That itself might give me motivation to pursue the same throughout my life. But I strongly believe that If I want to do something consistently, it should happen naturally, not because I force it on myself. Even If I have to fight myself to do something, it should be because I like it that much, not for any other reason.

At each point of my life I assumed something as the purpose of my life then later realized it is not. So I think there is no point in defining a single thing as everything that we need to do in our life. Does that mean everyone should not have any purpose in their life, that’s also not true. Some people have and want to do something in their life and some don’t. Some figure it out early, for some it takes time and for some the concept of purpose itself doesn’t make any sense. We are here to explore and experience different aspects of life, not to worry about figuring out the purpose. I myself think that I should try to live a good and happy life and maybe help others to do the same.

Does that mean everyone should follow this statement? Absolutely not, this is what makes sense for me now. It’s just a generic and abstract statement that works well for me at this moment. If something else makes more sense to you, then follow it until you believe in it. If you don’t know what you like, then try out different things. If you like something, then stick with it. If you never find anything that you like, then you don’t have to worry about it. If I say you have to eat only one food throughout your life, then will you be happy about it? Not right, then why are you worrying here about this. You got the chance to try all the different things in life. Similary if you don’t know which ideology to follow, then try to learn about them. If you think something will make you a better person, then follow it. If you don’t think any existing one works for you, then you go ahead and create one yourself. Don’t worry about finding the purpose of life. It’s actually the journey of life that you should enjoy.

One thing that will play a major role in all of these is money. If I always try different things, then what about my career and finance? That’s the tricky part, you have to figure out how to make some money out of your hobbies. Until then you should find a job that will pay your bills. If you actually make an effort exploring new things, I am sure that you will figure out something for your career.

A lot of people start this journey and even decide on something at a very early stage of their life. We see a lot of child prodigies in different careers. We see talented physicists, athletes, teachers, pilots, chess players, singers, musicians, actors and many more. There are two reasons why you might worry that they have found their purpse but not me? Because I was also there at some point of my life. But it’s not always true. All these prodigies either have natural talent or started training very early in their life. This gives them an advantage over the others. Because of that they are generally good at what they do when compared to others. This naturally motivates them to focus more on the same thing. This cycle continues recursively. I am not saying they also didn’t find the purpose of life, all I want to say is that, there is no point in defining one particular thing as the purpose of our life. Even these prodigies have regrets in their life that they don’t get a chance to try something else. Also I am not saying they had reached this point easily, they might have had their own hardships. That doesn’t mean others did not try, life works differently for different people. There are a lot of unknown factors at odds in life.

Even if we speak collectively for all humans, I don’t think there will be one constant purpose for humanity. If there is something like that, don’t you think life will become boring? If there is actually some end to all these chasing and one universal answer to all these questions, then we would be the first one to be disappointed about it. I believe there will always be something bigger and better to chase. We need to enjoy the journey without worrying about the destination.