Recently life got me thinking that why do people hurt each other? A lot of times this happens with or without an intention. Clashes between friends when one crosses the boundary of the other. Fights between couples happen when one’s expectations are unmet. Problems inside the family happen because everyone wants something that is also wanted by someone else. There are thousands of reasons that I can list down here. These are just a few of them. But did we ever think about the reason behind all of these things?

Why did your friend create that boundary? That might be from their past trauma or due to their insecurity or ignorance. What can we say about the unmet expectations from the partners, we could think of similar kinds of reasoning, insecurities, past trauma, ignorance or sometimes they think they are protecting the other person by doing what they do. Same for families. But in the majority of the time people don’t hurt each other intentionally. They do that because they think that’s the correct thing to do.

What is the solution for all of these problems? There can’t be a universal solution for all of these, otherwise there wouldn’t be these many wars in our world. We should focus on things that are in our control. We can’t control the other person but what can we do to protect our peace? The simple answer is that it starts with forgiveness.

When someone has done something that has affected you, the first step of self recovery is to forgive them. Think of their ignorance or their situation. Why did they do that? Believe me when you truly understand and forgive someone, it’s the most effective medicine for your self recovery. But it’s also important to analyse yourself and think about what you might be doing wrong. This will only happen when there is clear communication between two people. To make that happen, the first step is to forgive the other person.

But what is the point of forgiving someone, when they keep on doing the same thing that affects you and you clearly understand that there is nothing wrong with you. Even sometimes an external counsellor might help you to reach this point. Once you reach here you will only have two options: forgive them and give them another chance or let them go.

There is no universal scale for how many times you can forgive someone. This can vary based on your tolerance and weightage of the importance that you give to that person. But there should be a limit, this should never affect your physical or mental well-being. You should try to communicate to that other person about the situation. If nothing changes, then it’s better to get out of that situation and make the decision that will help the well-being of both people.